- HEAR me -

I saw you look away
Is what you've seen too much to take
Or are you blind and seeing nothing?

-Bullet For My Valentine : Hands Of Blood-

My heart is worn out to keep beating
My lungs exhausted by all this breathing
My mind's too tired to keep grieving
My throat is too sore for more screaming
My eyes too swollen for more weeping
My wounds are too dry for more bleeding
My blood too drained for more streaming

-Sentenced : My Slowing Heart-

-My Cloud-

This is

.blogspot.com

You sure you didn't ended up here by accident?



READERS?


!!Reflects
( Tuesday, April 27, 2010 )

Does working with a huge organization really promotes jealousy, hatred, basically anything that have to do with emotional sensitivities issue?

Ive heard that its all politics. I never believe it. But now Im seeing it.

Ive heard that its all bout ass kissing. I never beLIEve it. But now Im seeing it.

Ive also heard that its all bout team efforts. I always beLIEve in it, but Ive never seen it. everyones seems to be pointing away from themselves though.

I guess it really does reflects the real life. heh. ONE.

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!!need a 'effin' break
( Wednesday, March 10, 2010 )

these are the current list of movies that I wanna watch, or watch again.
how though to get all these at one time?

the list seems to be growing, hmm, I even get ahold of some of it already, but the list still grow,

Iron Man2
Avatar
Blindside
Hurt Locker
District 9
Up in the air
The Messenger
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Cop Out
Shutter Island
Brooklyn's Finest
The Wolfman
Tooth Fairy
From Paris with Love
Law Abiding Citizen
Whip It
The Invention of Lying
Whiteout
Pandorum
The Hangover
Paranormal Activity
All About Steve
The Brothers Bloom
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell
Extract
Funny People
Zombieland
The Crazies
Book of Eli
Edge of Darkness
500 Days of Summer
New Moon
When in Rome
Ajami
Art of the Steal
Somers Town
Star Trek
Chop Shop
Man Push Cart
Drag Me To Hell
Tokyo Sonata
Sin Nombre
A Serious Man
World's Greatest Dad
Trick 'r Treat
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Taxi to the Dark Side
The Wrestler
The Losers
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Kick-Ass
Date Night
The Good, The Bad, The Weird
Daybreakers
The Bounty Hunter
Repo Men
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
She's Out of My League
Hot Tub Time Machine
The Expendables
Salt
Peacock
Inception
Smart People
Mouth to Mouth
Holy Rollers
Super 8
Despicable Me
Toy Story 3
Grown Ups
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Eclipse
Dinner for Schmucks
The Last Airbender
Predators (2010)
Knight & Day
The Girl Who Played with Fire (Flickan som lekte med elden) (2009)
Winter's Bone
The A-Team
Killers
The Kids Are All Right
The Karate Kid (2010)
Cyrus
Ramona and Beezus
Get Him to the Greek
Countdown to Zero
Get Low
Robin Hood
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (Män som hatar kvinnor) (2009)
Please Give
Once Upon a Time in Mumbai
The Dry Land
The Extra Man
Solitary Man (2009)
Trash Humpers (2010)
Just Wright
How to Train Your Dragon
Just Add Water (2008)
Strange Wilderness (2008)
The Other Guys
Let The Right One In (2008)
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

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!!CONSENT
( Wednesday, December 16, 2009 )

18 Dec is public holiday rite? But I have to work. I HAVE to, not WANT to. Huugeeeeeeeeee difference. Lets break into conversation of what WILL happen. DAMNATION.

Them: You, you cool rite working this Friday?

Me: Yeah, its no big deal. Im not married, no girlfriend, parents were far away, its only my cousin getting married, not me. So yeah, Im cool working on public holiday. Make me work.

Them: You sure? You sounded upset.

Me: Me? Upset? What do you think? It’s a holiday man. Why don’t we work on Christmas as well? How bout that? Why not we work on New Year as well? Sure it’s fun then. Also, I would love to work on CNY holiday, that’ll be great. Better yet, why don’t we work, every second we were awake? Brilliant huh?

Really, I hope I have the guts to strike this kind of conversation with these people. WTF are they thinking, try to turn it off man. You work yourself like a milkcow, then in the end, you not enjoying your life. I dunno bout these people, but I don’t enjoy working on other people consent. Meaning? Aku x suka buat kerja org lain. I NEED A FUCKING BREAK, not a tea break, A HOLIDAY BREAK. Damn.

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!!awak.
( Sunday, October 11, 2009 )

Suatu petang, tengah seronok melayan perasaan, tiba2 aku didatangi oleh msg2 peribadi dari perisian chatting facebook. sila ikuti episod pertelingkahan antara kami, aku siarkan bukan bertujuan nk mengaibkan, bukan betujuan nk tentukan menang kalah, cuma aku rasa punca pertelingkahan agak remeh dan aku langsung x berpeluang untuk mempertahankan diri.

awak. kalau awak baca ni, bacalah smpai habis, apis harap warkah kali ni dapat melegakan kemarahan awak. apis harap jugak warkah kali ini dapat selesaikan episod pertelingkahan dalam drama perhubungan kita. saya harap awak baca smpai habis. warkah kali ini ditujukan khas untuk awak. anggaplah warkah ni medium apis meminta maaf dengan awak secara tidak langsung. apis x pernah berharap hubungan kita tamat dengan episod macam ni.


xxx:awat yg smbng
xxx msge pn x blas
msge mntak tlng pun x blas

aku:hu?

xxx:apa ni

aku:bila xxx msg?
simcard ni problem skit

xxx:tnya pula
kita msge dia wat bodo
ja
kan
msalah la kalau orng mcm ni

aku:slalu jadi inactive simvcard
x mau percaya sudah

xxx:x payah bg alasan ckp ja xmau tlng
muka xxx ni muka mntak tlng
jd x payah la blas
kan

aku:ikut suka la nk kata apa

xxx:kawan knon

aku:apis x tipu pn

xxx:tau la dah x mau tolong xxx
k x pa
xxx ingat

aku:hmm

xxx:tau la muka ni ja mntak tlong
tu yang lagsung x masge
kan
kan

aku:apis xdpt pn msg xxx
penah ka apis saja2 x reply?

xxx:itu apis ja ynag tau
kejujuran apis nak blas how
smua tu apis ja tau

aku:ok, so xxx x percaya apis x dpt sms xxx?

xxx: xkan tak dapt
mana nak caya kalu xxx msge then delivry msge afda
ada
dah msge yg dhantar dah deliver
how?


aku:tu la apis ckp, simcard ni problem
xkan apis saja2 x reply

xxx:ahh
dal la
wasalam

aku:hmm

xxx:xxx mnyessal *mntak tlg* dkt apis

aku:kenapa?
sebab skang xxx x percaya kt apis dah?
mcm tuh?
sebab apis x reply msg xxx?
sebab apis tipu ckp apis x dpt msg xxx?

xxx:ya
maaf la kalu xxx mnggu hidup apis selama ni
lepas ni xkan ganggu lagi
xkan cr lagi
*omitted*

aku:xxx, apis penah ka kata xxx kacau idup apis?
*omitted*
?

xxx:x pa
x pa la
x pnah kata tp mngkin ya
kan
k
wasalam

aku:hmm.

xxx:tolong delete num xxx
k
*omited*

aku:xxx, apis x suka la gaduh2 ni, ada problem bgtau
pasal sms xxx tuh, apis mmg x dapat
apis x tipu pn

xxx:xxx muka msalah ka
dah la
xxx rasa xxx ja yg duk msge apis
x pa la
wasalam

aku:xxx is no longer online. The following was not sent:
hmm. xxx igt, kalo xx x bukakan pntu, org x bleh masuk rumah, ok? (send as a message)


so, episod pertelingkahan kami terhenti setakat itu. aku tatau apa nk buat




Warkah untuk awak.

Awak.
Awak cakap awak yang selalu hubungi saya,
tp xkan awak lupa apa yg jadikan semua ini mungkin.

Awak.
Kita x pernah bertentang mata walaupon kita 2 tahun berkongsi kelas.
tp Alhamdulillah, selepas tamat zaman persekolahan, awak ada hadir ke majlis perjumpaan rakan2 sekelas.
dan kita lebih mengenali satu sama lain sejak dari itu.

Awak.
kita x pernah bertutur secara langsung walaupon 2 tahun kita mengikuti pelajaran yang sama.
tp Alhamdulillah, dunia cyber telah merapatkan jurang antara kita.
selalu kita bertemu di dunia cyber dan saling berkongsi perasaan dan pendapat.

Awak.
saya jarang dengar suara awak walaupon 2 tahun awak duduk dihadapan kelas, dan saya dibelakang.
tp Alhamdulillah, teknologi komunikasi telah mendekatkan suara awak kepada saya.
kadang kita bebual di telefon, seronok bercerita tentang episod kehidupan.


Awak.
x pernah kita berutus surat, walaupun bertahun kita duduk di bandar yang sama.
tp Alhamdulillah, sms menjadi pengganti.
selalu kita berganti sms, yg mencoret kisah suka dan duka kita.

Tapi awak.
kadang saya lewat atau terlupa membalas sms awak. bukan semua nya adalah kelalaian diri ini. kadang ada masalah dengan alat komunikasi, kadang mgkin saya sedang sibuk dengan tugasan diberi, kadang mungkin saya sedang merehatkan diri. saya harap, perkara2 begini x menjadi benteng dalam kita terus berhubung.

Awak.
Saya x pernah berharap perhubungan kita tamat mcm ni.
Saya minta maaf kalau ayat2 saya mengguris hati awak.
Saya minta maaf kalau perilaku saya mengecewakan awak.
Saya minta maaf kalau tabiat saya menyakitkan awak.

Awak.
Warkah ini khas dari saya untuk awak.

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!!Mati
( Monday, October 13, 2008 )

Mati,
Antara yg dijanjikan tuhan akan dinikmati seumat manusia,
Biar dimana kita berada,
Agama apa kita anuti,
Tuhan apa kita percayai,
Mati adalah sesuatu yg pasti,
Kita manusia x boleh lari dari kenyataan ini
Ingat, kita x pernah dijanjikan esok hari,
Ingat, semua yg kita ada bukan bekalan hidup satu lagi,
Ingat, ibu, ayah, suami, isteri, anak2 x boleh membantu nak harungi hidup yg satu lagi,
Ingat, hidup yg satu lagi dijanjikan indah jika indah ibadah kita dihidup ini,
Jika tidak, MasyaAllah.

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!!BOSAN
( Monday, October 13, 2008 )

sesungguhnya,
aku dah bosan hidup dikota,
walopon disini dekat dgn dia,
tapi sebenarnya kami berjauhan,
bukan hanya dengan pandangan mata,

aku dah bosan hidup dikota,
aku nk pulang ke kampung semula,
tapi dikampung xdak kerjaya,
jadi disini rezeki bermula,

aku dah bosan hidup dikota,
apa ada disini yg tak ada disana?
disana aku ada keluarga yg disini tak ada,
bila lagi aku boleh pulang kesana?

aku dah bosan hidup dikota,
bapa, ibu, nantikan kepulangan anakmu,
mgkin bila aku dah berkeluarga,
aku tak mahu lagi tggal dikota.

bosannya hidup dikota,
apa kota ada yg sana tak ada?
kota ada mewah dan kaya,
sana pn ada juga,
kota ada dosa dan hina,
sana pn sama juga,
kota! aku bosan.
apa hebat tggal di kota?
pulang kerumah papa kedana,
sebab dikota berlagak mcm kaya,
pulang kekampung apa pn tak ada,
haha

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!!Kronologi Hidup Seorang Aku
( Sunday, July 13, 2008 )

Entry kali ni pasal kronologi hidup aku, secara kasarnya lah, huhu, seronok imbas kenangan, walopon kenangan yg x indah,

Kecik2 seblom sekolah
Xigt sgt apa aku buat, yg aku tau aku penah dibesarkan di Kapar, aku x igt langsung aku penah dok Kapar, hoho, then famili aku pndah p Ampang, kt sini aku mula Tadika, x igt sgt dah zaman tuh, yg aku igt, siang2 aku dok Nursery ngan adek badek aku yg lain, ptg2 baru mak ngan ayah dtg amek, dulu both diorg keja KL, paham2 aja lah,

Kecik2 masa sekolah
Sekolah rendah, aku pernah sekolah dekat Ampang, apa nama sekolah jgn tanya lah, x igt, tp aku dok Taman Melor, nombor umah pn dah x igt, huhu, aku kt Ampang smpai dajah 3 kot, kawan2 sekolah rendah aku, budak2 taman aku, suma aku dah x igt, aku igt sorg pompuan ni, itu pn x sure aku kenal dia masa kt Ampang or Sg Buloh. Famili aku pndah Sg Buloh, sekolah dkat Merbau Sempak, kwn2 yg aku maseh igt kt sini is, Hafiz Nordin, jiran aku, Lokman, wannabe ketua darjah, ahak, Karim (ke Kamil?), famili dia org Kemboja, n Nerisma, bapak dia amat garang, hoho, hampir separuh masa aku kt Sg Buloh aku spent time ngn diorg. Itu pn dah totally lost contact ngan diorg, kalo bertembung pn mgkin dah x kenal,

Sekolah menengah
Nak naik sekolah menengah, ayah aku dpt offer keja kt Langkawi, so dia pndah dulu n bawak aku p cari sekolah kt Alor Star, famili aku x leh nk pndah ke Langkawi pasal sorg adik aku perlu pendidikan khas, dia ada masalah pendengaran, so aku jadi perantau bersekolah dkt SMK Dato’ Syed Omar, mula2 nk masuk Kolej Sultan Abdul Hamid, tp x dpt, tp syukur aku masuk Syed Omar, aku kenal ramai rakan2 karib dekat hostel, Amed, Pa’din, Nabel, Shidi, Yon, Fared Tan, Iman PakYa, Ajib, Boon,Otromen, Gee, At Koktai, Azahari, Yus, Mus, Wan Kola, Duan Ramli, Manja, kenal dgn senior2, Hilman Hilmi, Md Noq, Pit Tam, Fendi, Pak Syed, Khairi Awang Kecik, Pak Din, Radzi, Pak Ya, Faizal Tan, Ehsan, Bilal, Pit Said, Syed, Kuchai, Din Koktai, Bob, nama2 yg x sebut tuh jgn la kecik ati, aku igt ampa lg, InsyaAllah, masa form 1 dkt ujung taun, geng2 Faizal, Farid Kamil n Paklang masuk hostel pasal nk SPM, hoho, dekat2 nk PMR, Shawn, Iman MdNoq, Sham, masuk hostel, ada lg kot yg aku lupa, lepas PMR, Nasrul plak masuk hostel, ada sorg lagi, lupa la,

Zaman hostel ni aku rasa paling best, aku kenai ramai kwn, build up emotion, cari identiti sendiri, mcm2 hal jadi masa dok hostel Syed Omar ni, Md Salleh ngan cara didikan dia yg amat ekstrem, kita dgn cara sendiri nk pertama kali berjauhan dari famili, seronok,

Lepas PMR, aku dpt MRSM Jasin, tp aku x stay, aku x suka, masuk plak Teknik Alor Star (ASTECH), pn sama, xdpt feeling mcm aku dok kt hostel Syed Omar, aku balek Syed Omar, org kutuk aku manja, ya, aku mmg manja, manjakan diri sendiri, hehe, dok Syed Omar result SPM aku merudum, hoho, aku tetap dgn cara aku.

Membe2 yg aku igt sekelas masa form 4 n 5 are, Ali, Nabil, Amed, Pali, Magen, Hafiz Ibrahim, Poji, Izman, Redolf, Jeff, Sifu Timi, Azad, Zaheerah, Didie, Lina, Yati, Shafawati, Effa, Azida, Yusmye, Shuhada, Suraya, Aini, Ani, Elaiza, Nik Irma, ada sapa2 yg aku miss? ermm, yee, kelas aku mmg pompuan kongker, huhu, laki byk nk jadi ustaz, hhoho

Penah aku kena marah ngan Teacher pasal result English aku lg bagus dari result Bahasa Melayu, dia lagi naik angin bila dpt tau mak aku ajaq Bahasa Melayu n Sastera, hoho, result aku bukan teruk, cuma unexpected, org lain semua Bahasa Melayu better dari English, aku ja terbalik, lepas SPM aku dok melahu dkt Langkawi tggu dpt Uni, aku x expect mcm2, result aku x ok sgt,

Pelajar Universiti
Xsangka, aku dpt Matrix, Kedah, hoho, mmg excited, tp bapak aku x bg p, aku heran, so lepak lg tggu IPTA, IPTS pn aku apply, 1st result mai, MMU yg panggel, aku serba salah, nk p ka dak, nk tggu IPTA ka dak, takut xdpt yg len, masuk la MMU, dua tiga hari lepas registration kt MMU, offer UNITEN plak dpt, huhu, xpa la, dah masuk MMU pn, dua bulan kt MMU, UITM pn bg offer, hoho, rezeki kt MMU kot? Aku siap tukaq major pasal mula2 aku apply Creative Multimedia, x yakin sgt ngan seni aku, aku apply IT, Alhamdulillah ok.

So, masa mula2 registration mmg aku xdak tau sapa2, tanya kwn2 sapa masuk MMU jugak, xdak sapa, aiseh, keciwa pn ada, mula2 masuk dpt Apartmen Bunga Raya, kt situ la kenal kwn2, Hafizud, Firdaus, Rizal, Nizam, Nasri, Syafiq, Fahmi, sapa lg ek? Aku lupa dah, aku, Nizam n seorg lagi ni saja budak Alpha IT, yg len suma Alpha Engineering, hoho, bermulalah episod pelajar Alpha G26, dlm G26, aku kenal Najib, GD, Jeya, Farzaana, Amy Zurina, Thara Sufian, Priti, Chung Ee, Martin, Andrew, Joanne, Chern Aw, Rock Kee, Salem, Abdullah, dan lain2, mula2 masuk MMU agak culture shock skit, ahak,

Bila Beta, dah start merge class, makin ramai kenalan aku ada, Arief, Jai, Rasyd, Zue, Yasmin, Kherol, Lan, Ipin, Fawwaz, kawan2 punya kawan, aku byk jugak kenal dak2 engine pasal osmate mostly dak2 engine, so join jugak kadang2, kenal la ngan Wan Jepon, Hanis, Man,JonSolo, Azam, Alip Pidos, Haziq, geng2 diorg tuh, masa Gamma plak mula la berkenalan ngan dak2 KYM yg baru masuk, suma pasal aku kenal kawan lama dari hostel Syed Omar dulu, Lateef, dari dia la kenal Ashriq, Aiman, Pijah, Niza, Alip, Azmie, Bob Fawzly, Syed, masa final year yg sebok2 ngan FYP, pn ada dpt kenalan baru,

Graduan ….yg mengangur
Lepas grad, aku mengangur, aku balek tlg kazen aku 2 mggu ja kot kt Langkawi, selebihnya aku dok melahu di Aloq Star, sorg2, membe2 pn xdak, aku jadi drebar adik2 aku ja la sepanjang penganguran, aku x buat apa2 keja part time pn, kwn2 aku yg len ada jugak yg berdikari carik keja part time, aku x, huhu, aku dok tlg antaq amek adek2 aku ja la, lepas tuh sembang2 ngan tok aku, dok ulang p interview aja, huhu, mai Disember 2007, Innatech panggel aku kerja, Alhamdulillah.

Berkerja
Aku mula2 masuk Innatech, aku rasa agak janggal, x penah expect environment keja mcm ni, huhu, makin lama makin seronok, mula2 masuk kenal dgn Hafiz Aminuddin, Amrie, Habib, Ashraf, Kak Lieza, Kumar, Anas, Jess, of course Mr Tan ngan Mr Siva kena kenal, Abg Zul aku kenal lambat sket pasal dia outstation lama masa tuh, lama2 ada yg tukar kerja, ada pulak yg baru masuk kerja, Mazlan, Azlee, Fiza, Feisal, Farid, Dainuri. Skang aku masih serve Innatech, byk benda nk belajar, pengalaman nk ditimba, lepas ni apa plak untuk aku? Aku pn x tau..

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!!heya
( Wednesday, July 09, 2008 )

saja nk test tag

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!!Couragueos Insanity?
( Saturday, July 05, 2008 )

So, kenapa Courageous Insanity? Sebab dlm alam cyber ni lah kita mampu dan buleh buat benda2 yg kita x mampu atau buleh buat dekat alam nyata. Hehe. Layankan cerpen yg penat aku coretkan, adakah ia berdasarkan cerita benar, pengalaman sendiri atau cuma rekaan semata2? Itu terpulang kepada pembaca, heheh


Kay agak sebok hari itu, dia kehulu kehilir dgn komputer bimbitnya, pihak2 pengurusan dan pemilik projek serta pelanggan semua menampakkan kekecewaan, ini adalah biasa bg seseorang yg berjawatan mcm Kay, semua permintaan terpaksa diakui walaupon x semesti ditunaikan, kadang2 Kay letih dgn kerjaya dia, tp apa nk buat, cari mkn

hari ini adalah hari Kay membuat latihan penggunaan terhadap implimentasi projeknya, tp ada masalah teknikal, x terkejar dia nk membaik pulih masalah yg dihadapi,

'ades, hari nk testing ni la ada problem, apa malang naseb aku ni' cemuh Kay didalam hati

pengurusan, pemilik dan pelanggan semua duduk di kafeteria menunggu masalah selesai, Kay dan rakan sejawat kehulu kehilir dan sebok membuat panggilan, mengharap yg projek ni boleh diselesaikan harini, lg cepat selesai latihan penggunaan, lg cepat dpt bayaran, sedang Kay sebok berulang alik, ada pulak sekumpulan manusia yg x kenal erti kemanusiaan, beberapa kali dia memanggil Kay, Kay abaikan mereka kerana mereka bukan ada kepentingan apa2 dgn Kay, makin lama, mereka makin meninggi suara memanggil Kay,

'oi! Mat, meh la sini kejap, ada benda nk tanya ni,' ujar pemuda berambut separa afro itu.

'eh, nak tanya aku, mai la sini, paggel aku p sana plak, apa igt aku waiter ka?' cemuh Kay didalam hati dgn loghat utaranya

Kay terus dgn tugasan dia. Makin lama, mamat berambut separa afro tuh makin lantang bersuara, kdg2 keluar ayat2 yg agak x sedap didengar, rakan2 dlm kumpulan mereka pula asik bergelak ketawa, menenyebabkan mamat berambut separa afro itu makin galak dgn kelakuannya,

'ceh mat, apa kau igt kau penting sgt? Baek ko dtg sini cepat, aku nak tanya sikit' lantang mamat separa afro tuh berkata2

keegoan mamat berambut separa afro itu sampai tahap tertinggi, lontaran ayat2 nya diikuti dengan kata2 kesat. Pengurusan, pemilik projek dan pelanggan hanya melihat sahaja, mereka meninjau mcm mana Kay nk layan org mcm mamat separa afro tuh,

Kay berjalan kearah meja yg diduduki pihak pengurusan, dia meletakkan komputer bimbitnya disitu, dia mengorak langkah kearah kumpulan mamat rambut separa afro tuh, dari jauh terdgr dia berkata2,

'tau pn takut, cepat sikit la jalan tuh, aku nk tanya benda ni, lembab' ujar mamat separa afro itu, diikuti gelak tawa rakan2 kumpulannya.

Kay rasa langkahnya menuju ke kumpulan mereka agak panjang, Kay rasa jarak antara meja mereka agak jauh, Kay terus mengorak langkah, Kay merasakn perjalanannya terlalu lama, Kay resah, Kay mennyisir rambutnya kebelankang dgn tgn kiri, kemudia Kay menyisir rambutnya kebelakang dgn tangan kanan, Kay merasakan jarak sgt jauh, walaupun semakin menghampiri, tetapi Kay merasakan jaraknya amat jauh, setelah berada didepan meja kumpulan mamat berambut separa afro itu, dia seperti terdgr mamat tuh berkata2

'hah, ni, aku nak tany.......' masa bagaikan terhenti seketika

itu saja yg Kay dgr, selainnya hanya terdgr bunyi bingit yg memekakkan telinga, Kay makin resah, pandangan Kay fokus kepada mamat berambut separa afro itu, Kay nampak gerakan bibir mamat separa afro itu, tp dia x mendgr apa2, Kay tahu mamat itu cuba menyampaikan sesuatu, ttp Kay mengabaikannya, Kay menanggalkan cermin matanya, Kay memegang kolar baju mamat separa afro itu, Kay menariknya naik dari kedudukan, kiri mereka berdua bertentang mata, Kay tenung mamat separa afro itu, segala2 masih bingit memekakkan telinga, nafsu amarah menguasai rasionalisme, Kay sudah x peduli apa yg akan terjadi nanti,

Kay tenung mamat separa afro itu, dlm fikirannya, Kay mencemuh topi yg dipakainya, Kay mencemuh rambut kerinting2 kecil diatas kepalanya, Kay mencemuh pilihan pakainya, Kay mencemuh segala2 tntang mamat separa afro itu, lantas Kay melontarkan hantukan kepala yg padu tepat ke batang hidung mamat berambut separa afro itu, *dush*, hidung mamat itu berdarah merah, darah mengalir tanpa henti, rakan2 kumpulan mamat itu lantas berdiri mengelakkan diri, x dipertahankan rakannya yg cedera, mgkin takut mereka menerima nasib yg sama

'hah, ni aku nak tany........arghhhhhhh' masa bagaikan bergerak semula

segala2 berlaku dlm sejenak masa, mamat separa afro itu terduduk x terkata apa, wajahnya yg penuh keegoan td bertukar menjadi resah ketakutan, Kay terus merenung mereka didalam kumpulan itu, seorang demi seorang, sekumpulan mereka resah, kelu x terkata, mgkin mereka x mengagak ini akan berlaku,

'kalo nk bertanya, datang cari aku, bukan aku datang mai sini' ujar Kay perlahan, mamat separa afro dan kumpulannya angguk tanda memahami, mereka masih kelu x berkata2

Kay mengorak langkah pergi, melangkah kearah meja yg diduduki oleh pengurusan, pemilik projek dan pelanggan tadi. Kesemua meraka agak terkejut dgn tindakan Kay, mereka x pernah melihat Kay bertindak diluar rasionalisme dan intelektualnya,

sejak hari itu, kehidupan kerjaya Kay agak berubah, dia tidak lagi diarah melakukan benda2 yg diluar skop tugasannya, semua org pn semakin berhati2 dgn tgkah laku dan percakapan mereka dgn Kay, adakah Kay senang dgn layanan serba baru ini? Itu xdapat dipastikan, yg pasti, Kay merasakan dia melalukan benda yg benar, patutkah Kay bertindak demikian? Apakah soalan yg mahu ditanyakan oleh mamat itu pada hari kejadian? Kay masih ketapak projek, apabila terserempak dgn kumpulan mamat separa afro itu, mereka menjauhi Kay. Kay x merasa terabai, mcm Kay mula2 kata, mereka xberkepentingan pn dlam kehidupan Kay. Heh.

Moral: Pantau dan dengar sebelum ambil tindakan, hehe

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!!Rette mich?
( Thursday, April 26, 2007 )

Hmm, I always told people that song is not just song; it is a form or art that often reflected people’s expression, I love song that express felling such as sorrow, death, dispel, you know, the other side of songs, the one that not many are aware of.

Last two days, my grandma’s younger brother had passed away, hope he is among the faithful of all. The things is, I had never felt like I lost anything. I was good with him, nothing crucial, I like him better than I like my grandma though, hehe. But, when my father called to told me bout it, I was like, “owh, ok” and that’s it. Heh, I meant, how cold hearted can I be? I’ve lost someone, my relatives, but I didn’t felt much. Maybe this is the reason why people said I’m somewhat hard cold type of person. But I never seen through it though, and know I’m aware why, hehe. After I gave it a thought, then only I realize my mistake, and feels bad bout it. I dunno what I’ve become, after all these living years. Ahhhh. I need to rescue me from myself, I need someone to rescue me from this darkness within. This darkness and coldness I once loved, but now, I couldn’t bear with it anymore, I need to be rescued, I would not wanted to be soaked with darkness anymore. Would someone lend me a hand? Would anybody rescue me? Rescue me from the reign that struggled to built and hold?

And, uhh, Al-Fatihah to Tok Su Ii, may you be among the faithful of all. Hope I won’t forget you as ease.

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!!Tiap kali.....
( Tuesday, April 03, 2007 )

Tiap hari ku kian jelik,
Buat ramai orang rasa pelik,

Tiap kali ku kian resah,
Buat ramai orang rasa susah,

Tiap masa ku kian lupa,
Buat ramai orang masam muka,

Tiap cara ku kian gila,
Buat ramai orang kata "macam ni la",

Tiap hari ku kian sakit,
Orang yg mendampingi kian sikit,

Tiap kali ku kian duka,
Ada juga orang yang rasa suka,

Tiap masa ku kian pekak,
Orang kena cakap macam nak terkeluar anak tekak,

Tiap cara ku kian bisu,
Orang cakap pun dah aku keliru,

Hitung nyawa yang kian singkat,
Bila aku nak bebetul taubat?

Hitung kiamat yang kian dekat,
Nanti ku takut nak jumpa malaikat,

Hitung hari aku sendiri,
Lagi panjang dari hayat bebiri,

Tiap hari,
Tiap kali,

Tiap masa,
Tiap cara,

Adakah aku suka begini?
Soalnya pada diri sendiri,

Adakah aku ingin terus begini?
Aku mahu anjakan tapak kediri,

Sampai bila aku terus begini?
Perlukah aku ubah diri?
Perlukah aku atur ciri?
Perlukah aku lari?
Perlukah.....?

Tiap hari,
Tiap kali,
Tiap masa,
Tiap cara,

Aku suka.

Apa yang orang lain boleh kata?
Katalah apa yang mereka suka.

Mungkin aku akan ambil peduli,
Mungkin aku sisihkan kesisi,

Yang pasti,

Tiap hari,
Tiap kali,
Tiap masa,
Tiap cara,

Aku suka.

Tiap kali ku kian sunyi,
Aku ingin lari bersembunyi,
Diiringi tari nyanyi,
Dengan orang yang disayangi,
Sendiri.
Lagi.

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!!Another chapter’s ending?
( Thursday, February 22, 2007 )

Salam. Ahhh, been a while since I mess around with this bloq, heheh, hmm, so anything new? Heheh, for me, nothing’s new, just leading a bending life, heh, just hoping so it wouldn’t break though. I wanna post up something before the CNY, but uhh, nothing interesting to be told, so it resulted to this. Heheh, better than never I guess.

It’s already morning, been reading comix all day long, just finish reading Battle Royale, hehe, not a good bedtime stories though, If you get what I meant, haha, hmm, by reading this stuff, it kept me wondering, do we humans like that? I mean, feelings, we falls for it do we? Whatever kind of feelings, fear, hate, happy, not happy, passion, obsession, hurt, impaired, arrogant, ignorant, compassion, shabby, selflessness, emptiness, lonely all that kinda things, we do fall for it, izzit? If we do so, why would we have this so called ‘feelings’? We might be leading a better life without it, don’t we? And mind you, that’s not the main question here.

While leading our life, we had encountered many things, learnt much, met many people, too many to abide I might say, and it wouldn’t end here and now, it’s going on, on and on, till its time. So, uhm, while doing so, we make friends, best friends, regular friends, friend’s friend, special friends, so-so friends, get the picture yet? So, why do we make friends? Izzit for comfort? For securities? For assurance? For acknowledgement? Or for just being occupied? And so, what we take friends for? Person? Necessities? Asset? Compensation? And, uhh, don’t make me the bad guy here, I’m questioning all these so I wouldn’t forget where I stand on in this huge chessboard. Others may be pushing me around like a pawn, or I might make a step like a knight, who may know?

Also, I like to stress out, not all are like you, ok, maybe some would say using ‘you’ is inappropriate, it was like blaming others, rite? Huhu, I do think so, ok, revised, not all are like us, using ‘us’ would make us on the same guilty level eh? Heheh, or to be better, not all are like what we think it is, and to be best, some of us are thinking alike, similar, how similar? We best root that answer ourselves, individually.

You see, for me, feelings are like perceptions, feelings are quite obscured, flexible, not fixed, each people had their own perception for anything, rite? As so feelings are, and please do not count out that these two can also be fabricated, masqueraded, that what make feelings somewhat deceptive, unreliable. I’m not talking bout others feeling upon us, nope, I’m talking bout our feelings upon others, and by others, I didn’t meant the people that’s always around you. Simple example, you saw somebody stealing food, what would you say bout that guy? “OOHH! There’s a bad guy” and that’s hate, pop out just instantly from your head. Or rather you would say “maybe he’s hungry and got no money” and that’s sympathy, pop out just like that. Hypothetically, what you had thought, represent where you put yourself in this massive chessboard of world. And by challenging ourselves with these, we would know where we put ourselves and where we actually stand on. It’s not entirely true, but most of the time, it’s proven to be correct, try it yourself, you’ll know what I meant.

And so, we tend to make good friends with people we had gained trust. By trust, I meant those we can cope up with, those who make you feel wanted, those who acknowledge you, those you feel safe with, those who you can talk to. So we see here, friends are being tampered by feelings, lost of feeling mean lost of friends. I’ve seen many, but maybe not enough for me to make up to a conclusion, but for what I’ve seen, that is somewhat true. And do not count out for the deceptive part, which is most dangerous of all, like a chained cat waiting for a dying rat, waiting for the prey to drop inside the feeding bowl, and don’t be surprised when we are stabbed at the back and broken a neck at that. Hehe, so, last question for this posting, where do YOU stand on? Or rather, where do YOU put yourself at? Am I defying the question from myself? Nope, I’ve had my answers, do you? As always, I’m gone. Better off with these feeling for now I guess, that’s what had driven me to writing all these. Heheh.

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!!One step away
( Friday, February 02, 2007 )

Salam. Hmm. Dah bukak sem pon, huhu, cepat sungguh masa berlalu, or aku ja byk melalukan masa cmtu ja? Ahaha, aku rasa pilihan kedua tuh paling tepat untuk aku, Alhamdulillah result aku pass suma, pass mmg stakat pass ja la, huahua, pointer x yah crita la, nak sebut pon segan, adeh. Huhu.

Hopefully sem ni akan jadi sem last aku kat sini, aku pon nak cuba bekerjaya plak, hehe, dak2 sebaya aku ramai dah yg dok gheja, aku pon nak gak buat duit sendri kan? hehe, walopon aku rasa best dah nak abeh stadi, tp aku rasa x syok la kena pisah ngan memembe suma, tp itu la adat kan? adat dlm kehidupan, pertemuan ada perpisahan, aku cuma bleh harap kita nya friendship x tamat skali ngan yg tamat pengajian la kan?, aku lupa dah suma kwn2 skolah rendah aku, aku just ingat nama, rupa x ingat langsung dah, geng2 skolah menengah mostly still in contact, and rakan2 kat sini, aku harap aku x akan lupakan depa suma, dah 4 taun aku dok MMU, fuhh, lama gak la, ramai yg aku kenai, mcm jenis pon ada, ahaha, lepas nih hubungan ngan memember kira sdikit tersekat la, x mcm skang neh, time nak lepak2 tuh kira dah kurang sket, lepas nih ada tanggungjwb len plak kita maseng2 nak kena tanggung, dok teringat zaman aku dok ostel dulu, best, most of the time kita ngan memembe ja, alahai, rasa x mo plak aku berenti pegang status student nih, adeh, haha.

So, kepada rakan2, aku nak ucapkan trima kaseh kat ampa suma pasai keep me occupied all these time, aku x kan lupa kenangan ngan ampa suma, aku x yah la sebut nama la kot? Satgi ada missing nama sapa2, kecik ati plak, heheh, ini untuk suma yg mengenali diri aku la, yg kenal, yg tau, yg suka, yg benci, walau apa pon peranan ampa dalam drama idop aku, aku x akan lupa kat ampa, kehadiran ampa la buat aku rasa aku hidop lg, hehe, aku penah mati skali, so aku x harap aku mati lagi skali. Even if you guys are not around me, you’ll always be close.

So, lastly, nak wish2 la plak, aku wish all the best to whatever thing yg ampa dok buat, aku wish ampa lead a good life, hmm, heppy besday utk Zue, besday dia 31st Jan aritu, hehe, Pak Tam besday arini, 2nd Feb, bila ang nak nikah Pak Tam? Lama dah aku dok tunggu nih, ahaha, lg, esok ramai sgt aa yg celeb besday, Mun, Sajeev Raj, Topek, hmm, then, all the best sapa x sapp lg, moga2 bleh pas, InsyaAllah. Hmm, selamat bercuti la kpada yg looking forward nak balek kmpung jumpa yg tersayang. Lg apa? Aaa, moga2 kwn aku yg sorang tuh cepat dpt gheja, bleh la open table kerap2, hakhak. K, rite, I’m gone.

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!!Ade ape dgn bas?
( Wednesday, December 27, 2006 )

Ahhh, rase nak post samting kat sinih, baru abes stuDIEing chap 1 crypto, haha, chap 1 je, dem, kacau bilau, byk lg nak kene kaver, uhh, xpe, buat mase skang, abaikan dulu, hehe,

Aku ader bace kat satu post kat Zie nye bloq, citer yg cukup menarik dan mendalam, korang kene try hayati dan fahami, klik sini kalo nak bace, sile2, amik, kunyah, telan

Amcam? Best kan citer dier? Hehe, bukan citer la sgt, lebih kepade nasihat ngan pendapat, sku setuju ngan citer tuh, cukup setuju, tp mampu ke aku sendri wat cmtuh? uhuh, aku citer kes aku plak, hmm, cane nak start aa? Slalunye, aku jalan kaki je, aku x penah lg la thn bas pon seblom nih, yg kes darjah tige tuh, bukan aku tahan bas pon, bas tuh mmg berenti kan? hehe, okok, kesah terbaru, aku ader gak tahan bas neh, tp, driver bas tuh x nak berenti, so ape patut aku buat? Aku kene ligan ke bas neh? Ke aku nak jalan kaki je? So ape aku nye keputusan? Aku ligan bas neh beb, kot2 la driver dier nak berenti kan, hehe, tp still, driver dier x nak berenti, huhu, nak wat cane kan? So, ape plak lepas tuh? Aku jalan kaki la kejap. pas tuh aku try tahan lg bas neh, hehe, tabah beb, tp still driver tuh x nak berenti, keciwa gak aa aku, x kan nak jalan kaki je kan? Heh, aku ade gak rase nak naek bas laen, tp aku x penah cube tahan bas laen pon, bas neh je satu aku nak naek, ade sesuatu yg istimewa pasal bas neh, aku tatau cana nak eksplen, huhu, byk lg bas2 lein kan? Tp aku hanya tgk diorang berlalu je la, tahan maen2 ade la gak, x penah naek pon, huhu, aku x berani ke? Ke aku terlalu berharap pade bas yg satu neh? So, skang neh, aku jalan kaki lg la, still dok try tahan bas yg satu tuh, hehe, time matters, mungkin lepas lame baru la aku try tahan bas laen plak kot, tatau la tuh,

Hmm. X paham posting aku kali neh? Haha, abaikan, x penting pon. Apepepon Salam Aidil Adha, sape2 raye kat umah tuh, ingat2kan kitorang kat perantauan neh, taburlah simpati kat kitorang, hakhak, kpade student2 MMU, all the best untuk xm, staDIE hard, pastuh sambung raya, haha, kk, slamat2, I’m gone.

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!!Amore e Morte
( Friday, December 15, 2006 )

Salam. Rite, just finish with my Crypto assignment 2, got another … 5 to take care of, arghh, nevermind that, just wanna relax abit, so I’ve decide to make scratch here, huehue, its almost the end of the semester already, time pass by so fast you couldn’t even notice em, my family had moved to a new house today, I don’t have a chance to place my butt inside anytime soon, huehue, neway, even during Aidil Adha I will be here I suppose, mkn MCD mase raye, isk2, cam aku dok luar negare je, hakhak, my sis had been asking whether I’m going back home for Aidil Adha, well, I guest its not happening sis, Aidil Adha is during my xm week, uhuh, kalo nak sev bajet, jln kaki aa balek Aloq Staq, hakhak, lepas seminggu sure sampai,

Rite now everything seem to be taking place nicely, hmm, its kinda weird I would say, if everything flows on nicely, there’s sure something that I’ve overlooked anywhere, dem, it sure drive cold shiver through my body just by thinking bout it, could just hope so nothing unfortunate would be happening, man, I’m afraid that I wouldn’t stand the pressure anymore, rite now, I feel like being bent and just waiting to break, huhu, hope so it wouldn’t happen eh? Doa2kan untuk aku, I even goes back for a pack, huhu, man, I would say, this is just temporary, sementara, hopefully,

I wanna go to Rock The World 7, many nice band is performing, I wanna go to Myproof mini concert, I wanna see The Hidden and Blood on Wedding Dress perform, but its not happening, apakan daya, masa tidak menyebelahiku, arghh, haha.

I’ve read an article bout human psychology among people in America, statistically, they said that Americans, 44% of them are more to suicidal tendencies, and 27% are into homicidal tendencies, if you ask me, that is scary, I mean, you wouldn’t want to be dead just because another guys wants to be dead, rite? Huhu, maybe they’ve done a research in a high crime rating place like Harlem or even the big city New York. I would say, place like that sure will gave up statistic like that, people there have been pressured with everything that had been surrounding them: profession, relationship, self esteem, neighborhood, its sure could trigger up someone rage, or even grief to a max, and would certainly lead to either suicidal or homicidal. And this article is what hassle me to put such title of Amore e Morte for this particular post, heheh, wandering what Amore e Morte means? I don’t understand Latin either (is Amore e Morte in Latin? I just assume it is), heheh, but I’ve read somewhere that it means Love and Death. For me, this quotation sure means a lot. We could never run away from this two, love and death, even if you try to, it will hunt you down and smack you flat to the ground, so I said, open your hand wide and embers it with your warm hug. Don’t try to end your life on your own, even if you desperately wanna be dead, let me do it for you, haha.

Lastly, I would wanna wish all the best to all who will be going through exam, study hard, all the best, and let it all out during exam, and so, happy birthday to anyone who will be celebrating it soon, Merry Christmas, Salam Aidil Adha, and all other happy2 thing, and I apologies once again to those I’ve hurt. Even so you wouldn’t wanna forgive me, just except my apologies. I don’t expect what I’ve done will lead to this, hmm, maybe I’m into suicidal tendencies eh? Haha, don’t worry me, its not happening…..hopefully, I’m gone. Amore e Morte.

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